Thursday, January 29, 2009

Let's talk about Sex

This week we have been more focused on woman and sexuality in our society.

As I was reading in the Douglas book, I could find myself getting as little defensive to her thoughts and sediments. I felt like not only was she angry at the media with regards to her sexual ideals, but that if you were a woman who DID want to wait until marriage to have sex, you were jaded and weren't making the decision for yourself. I can see after our discussion that maybe her intentions were just to show the confusion and frustration for many women as the media portrayed sex in contrasting lights.

Ultimately, this made me think about my own values and ideals on sex. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and my religion teaches that premarital sex is in violation of sacred Gospel principles. However, that does not mean that sex in itself is a horrible and sinful thing.

I've noticed that for my generation, sex is more of an open subject with regards to the LDS faith. I have talked about it with my friends and have had leaders and teachers discuss it in classes. I know that I will enjoy sex with my future spouse. I would consider myself a very sexual person, but I have chosen to wait and have those experiences until I am entered into a bond of marriage. I know that sex is for procreation, but I also believe it is an expression of love between two people and is meant to be enjoyable. Otherwise, why would we do it?! For those reasons, I do consider it sacred and will hold to that belief.

That choice I've made is my own, and I don't feel it makes me a "bad" or "good" girl. I've made mistakes and stupid decisions that would label me as bad, and done great things that some might label me as good. I don't think that one particular area of my life, such as sex, can define who I am. I think these are choices every person needs to make after careful consideration of the consequences to their actions.

P.S. I would marry this guy tomorrow if I could! Yummy....


  1. B -

    I agree it is up to the person and not the media as to having sex before marriage or not. Faith plays a big part in it too... Friends I have who don't share the same faith are well at times, people who like to sleep around. I am not trying to generalize but I think who you hang out with and what you believe in play bigger parts than the media does...unless you like go to the church of General Hospital or something...

    In the Family a Proclamation to the world it states "God wants you to follow His plan of reserving intimacy for marriage to help you and your family find happiness, deepen marital love, and protect your family"

    So yes I totally agree with you on keeping sex in the bonds of marriage. And I agree one area of your life should not define you as "good" or "bad" but one should look at the person as a whole. We by our very nature have done good and bad things...that's what makes us human we learn by doing.

  2. Hiya Bailey. Ben here.
    Re: Douglas and sex in general, I think we rightly feel a bit peevish about this topic. Douglas has a baby-boomer (means older than dirt),WASP, and no-nonsense feminist perspective for her book. She, and the whole world, for that matter don't have much sympathy for our view of sex as something sacred, for married people only, exclusively monogamous. So her comments should not necessarily be compared to our LDS mores, but to the USA at large, as part of a continuum that at its present iteration is Far along the road whose beginnings Douglas relates. When she says, for instance (and I paraphrase) 'we were under obnoxious pressure to be virgins till marriage, but we all wanted to DO IT and DID before' we should perhaps focus on the fact that there was no moral or spiritual purpose for that expectation on the girls of Douglas' generation. Instead, the expectation was based on the outward classification, subjectively at that, that a girl that waited would be awarded the "nice" label, a decorative and superficial category that was based on fear and laced with ignorance and coercion. Within our LDS culture, boys AND girls are expected to subdue the sexual craving, and to get married to someone that likewise values such ideals, ideals that we hold to be of divine origin, for the purpose of enhancing our ability to experience joy. To cynics, we look like morons. To Douglas we look like misguided idealists, hopelessly trying to stifle the very appetites that make life worth living, possibly. To LDS folks of a certain age, they may think that there was a time when the LDS values were closest to the USA's, but I suggest that there's never been such a convergence, because the ethos behind the sexual abstinence has never been a point in common with the culture as Douglas knew it, or as it is now, perhaps even with other religiously observant peoples.

  3. It's like whatever we decide to do in regards to sex, we're not making our own decision. If we choose to have sex before marriage, then we're conforming to what is now a societal norm. But if we choose to wait until we're married to have sex, then we're grouped with all those "religious folk". Either way, it's not an original thought or idea.

  4. I agree with what you said Bailey. However, I also think that in the society here in Utah, sex is a "hush hush" type thing. I think the other problem we have is parents believing that they have an innocent little angel whose ears will fall off at the sound of hearing the word sex. I think in our society here in Utah, more education needs to take place, rather then just say no and never bring it up again. Let's face it, sex is everywhere: Television, newspapers, coworkers, friends and the list goes on.

    It's time we take an approach of informing, and not pretending that we don't know or refuse to believe that it goes on.

    Just my two cents worth...

  5. I'd marry him also! ha...I'm kidding, but overall, the case for sex before marriage is mixed in all cultures over the world...Im totally for waiting...

    In Catholic before marriage is considered a sin...If we do-do it before marriage...all we have to do is say in confession, "I did the deed"...What happens next is...the priest forgives me...God forgives me...and thats it...

    In LDS terms, I have found out that it is supposed to be saved for marriage...So Keep on Keepin' On...and be proud of who you are!

  6. Um yeah, hey baby ;) That's a fantastic picture...

    Ha, well I totally agree with you about what you said regarding sex before/after marriage as a very personal choice. It's hard when people are so judgmental based on any one decision you make in your life. One choice can't make you a "good" or "bad" is definitely not that black and white.

  7. Growing up a Mormon girl in a non-mormon girl world can be pretty rough. Waiting till marriage labels you as a prude or a goody two shoes. That is pretty much what I had to deal with in high school. Not growing up in Utah I was privy to these stereotypes because of my religious choice.

    Just like a girl shouldn't be judged for wanting to have sex before marriage (as she usually isn't in this society) a girl should have her option to not have sex and not be judged for it all the same. Nowadays when a girl comes out saying that she is waiting and she is in the limelight the media takes it to massive proportions and treats it like it is a one and a million thing. I think it should be more normal

    P.S. Ryan Gosling used to be Mormon, haha