Every day I woke up wishing I were someone else because I didn't want to be "fat." The weird thing is, I was active. I was a competitive ballroom dancer since I was 9 and was even a cheerleader. Although, I think that made things worse for me. All I saw around me were these little tiny girls getting thrown in the air, and chicks in these fabulous dresses with even more fabulous frames to display them. I felt so out of place and thought, "If only I were skinny like them I could be happy."
It has just made me think that although all the friends I had had these "perfect" bodies, there were influences from the media dismorphing my body image as well. I remember watching The Real World even back then and thinking I could never be on that show because they only cast girls who looked hot in bikinis. I looked disgusting in one. I would never get boys to like me because I didn't look like my sister who was tan, blond, 5'7, and 98 lbs with a C cup.
What I've realized since then is that not being them, not being this perfect stereotypical cheerleader, I had to rely on other things. I had to rely on being smart, making people laugh, being witty, and using my personality to get recognized as opposed to my boobs. It's made me a much better person than I ever would have been had I been than barbie girl.
I guess ultimately I want to teach my children that beauty is so ambiguous. YOU are PERFECT EXACTLY the way you are. It doesn't matter what size your jeans are.... you still matter. You still can make a difference and you can be important even if the scale tips a little bit. It is so hard in our society to believe that because we are getting sent SO many messages which most of us will never live up to. But, that doesn't mean we should let it get the best of us. All we can do is be a part of the change.
This is my Junior year. I'm the one on the front left. I have tiny legs, but there is a reason I'm bending over. I'm also wearing a body slimmer underneath my uniform ( I don't think I've ever told anyone that!)